Letting Go

  “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Carl Jung

I have been struggling, for a while now with letting go. No, I’m not trying to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. I’m struggling with learning to let go of something that I feel I should hold on to forever.

Yes, forever. “What could it possibly be?” Without getting into the particulars, in my view and my upbringing, this is what I’m supposed do. I am not to  pull myself away or ever let go. Good or bad, I was brought up to believe this and it has been ingrained in my psyche.

What is Letting Go?

Letting go is used in many ways. The concept itself says that one should let go of anything that isn’t in one’s best interest, be it what it may.

It could be a rude and selfish friend, or a boyfriend who hurts you. It could be a thing that is not good for you: drugs or alcohol, or both. Heck, it could be your chocolate addiction. It could be worrying for that call that may never come or being afraid of getting old.

It could also have to do with letting go of things in your past and things that you cannot control.

No matter what it is, letting go isn’t as easy as it sounds. The words are simple; the concept not so much.

Take Stock

Regardless of how it made me feel, I never thought of letting go. Spiritually it just wasn’t in me.  Okay, fine, it is a person and this person needs me. For years, I have been there and taken care of this person without complaining. It hasn’t been hard for many reasons, and it is what I’m supposed to do.

Sure, there were times I would tell myself, “Stop this, you shouldn’t be going through this!” I even said, “Love is not supposed to hurt!” “I have to stop allowing the hurt.” Finally, I stopped justifying the behavior and began to analyze it and be objective. Result: I needed to let the person go, so that they could grow. But, here it goes: At the end of the day, I would be right back doing everything for them and caring far too much. Even when they expressed no gratitude and treated me like an object that was nothing but a means to an end. I found new ways to justify why they treated me the way they did. It was, after all, what I was meant to do.

It was these questions that finally helped me with the process of letting go. Yeah, it is a process and I don’t think it happens overnight. Mine took years, precious years I won’t be getting back. Just like mourning a person has stages, I think letting go does to. I concluded that I had given much, too much and that the feeling was not healthy for either of us.

So I put on my big girl panties and took a stand. I stopped looking at the other person and took stock of me. This person was bringing me down in more ways than what was visible: physically, morally, spiritually, and psychologically. And, I was contributing to the pain.

Enough of that…

Learning To let Go

Letting go requires looking inward and asking, “How does it make me feel?” This question fits whatever the thing is that must be let go. This is what finally helped me.

You can write about it or you can talk to someone you trust. If there isn’t  someone, seek a therapist. It is okay because your life depends on it. One thing, I wouldn’t do is just think about it! Our mind plays great tricks on us: “Your’e exaggerating, things will get better.” “They need you and can’t make it on their own.” “They’ll change. Give them another chance.” “One more drink is fine.”

Your head must be in a good place to take the step. Don’t dwell on the issues whether you are focusing on the positives or the negatives. That is why I feel that it is best to talk it out. You cannot live with the anger and resentment that comes from holding on to something or someone that hurts you. It will bankrupt you emotionally and spiritually.

Once you say to yourself and believe that you do not want to be hurt anymore, comes acceptance. You must accept that you must let go for it to work. You have to accept that this is what is best for you and that what causes the hurt is what it is. It isn’t going to change! Or, he is what he is. She is what she is.

I do not know what comes next. I have had to let go of many things throughout my life, but none have been as important as this. I am hurt, angry, resentful, worried,,, you name it, I’m feeling it. I took a stand and I finally let go, physically. But, I’m still intellectually connected as well as emotionally. I guess that must be what is next.

There is one thing that is for sure: I am focusing on me. Me…

I am trying to take care of myself and to be kind to myself. I am more focused on my Spiritual well being. Scents help me feel serene and in tune with my energy. I burn incense to help me when I need to be kind to myself.  When you are in the midst of things, you forget there is only one you and that if you don’t care for yourself, no one else will.

 

What Do You Think?

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